I haven't written in a while because... well, I am exhausted.
Sleep, apparently, is for people better than me. This is (my husband tells me) one of those parts of pregnancy that my brain always forgets about once it's over--- I can only assume God made it that way so that I continue to have children. I probably shouldn't even write about it in case I stumble across this sometime in the future, but since we're pretty intentionally unintentional about our family-non-planning, even knowing how exhausted I will be won't make any difference in any future baby-making endeavors. So I get to whine.
Honestly, I'm not even sure that paragraph makes sense.
I am on day... I think... 5 or 6 of less than 5 hours of sleep, accomplished by some combination of not being able to go to bed until very late and/or waking up very early. One night I went to bed at 3am, and the next night I woke up at 3am.
And if anyone tells me to "get sleep while I can" they might get slapped. Clearly, if I COULD, I would sleep.
Anyway, I'm pretty ready for this baby. I think. I mean, I pretty much STOPPED nesting about 3 weeks ago. Just got too tired and sick of cleaning. So there's no crib set up, no baby diapers, no swings or bouncy seats or extra meals. But as I don't anticipate that happening any time in the next few weeks, I'm as ready as I'm going to be!
Yep, I have definitely stopped making sense. And both the girls are awake extra early today, so this will be the end of my rant.
XOXO
Tired Girl
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Kindness
These past two weeks we have been learning about Kindness in our morning character time.
... I have noticed that whatever character quality we are studying is the one that the devil really tempts both Bean and our whole family with at that time... sucks to be him, though, because I'm taking this as an encouragement and "counting it all joy" instead of being deterred!
As I wrote about in my initial post on our character studies, we use a few tools to help with these morning study times:
--We Choose Virtues mini-posters and Character Chart
-- "God, I need to talk to you about..." books by Dan Carr
-- Character Builders DVDs
-- Memory Verses
-- Bible stories that relate to what we're studying
So, for this *series* (for lack of a better word) we're reading "God, I need to talk to you about... sharing and hurting others" which are both really relevant to an almost-3-year-old, as well as watching the Character Builders on Sharing and Kindness.
Our current memory verse is Luke 6:31 "Do to others as you would have them do to you."
We are reading about The Good Samaritan and Jesus healing the paralytic who was lowered through the roof.
It's really funny how the things that a preschooler struggles with are the same things I struggle with as an adult. That's the one thing these character studies have really convicted me of---
I am no better than a preschooler.
My problems are slightly more mature (sometimes) or complicated (sometimes), but really no different. We are trying to teach her to "Use gentle hands, nice words, and think about how others feel." That part I (sometimes--- are we catching a theme here?) have down. But the most important part is that we want her to show kindness to others even when she doesn't feel like it, when they are mean or unkind to her, and when they don't *deserve* it. Why? Because this is what Christ did, and continues to do, for us. He shows us love, forgiveness, grace, and yes, kindness when we least deserve it. When we've denied Him, or disappointed Him, or disobeyed Him, or ignored everything He's told us, he returns all those downright *mean* actions with love and kindness. With gentle words, kind correction, and thinking about what is best for us.
And how often does my first reaction to some one's actions--- no matter how I try to intellectualize it or reword it so it sounds grown-up and responsible--- really amount to "But they're being mean to me! I don't wanna be nice!!!" I'm only a (sometimes VERY small) step away from chucking a toy at their head and screaming "I don't like you!" while stomping into a corner to pout.
... or yelling angrily what an idiot someone is while flashing angry hand gestures and speeding as fast as I can to get in front of them and cut them off in turn...
I asked Bean to tell me ways she can practice kindness and wrote them down. I said "How can you be kind to..." and listed people. This is word-for-word what she said:
My Sister: "Not push her, share toys."
My Dad: "Not get in trouble, listen to him, give him hugs and kisses."
My Dog: "Pet him."
My Mom" "Use Nice Words to her."
Jesus: "Give him hugs, celebrate his birthday, not think about myself--- think about Jesus and THEN myself after."
... I have noticed that whatever character quality we are studying is the one that the devil really tempts both Bean and our whole family with at that time... sucks to be him, though, because I'm taking this as an encouragement and "counting it all joy" instead of being deterred!
As I wrote about in my initial post on our character studies, we use a few tools to help with these morning study times:
--We Choose Virtues mini-posters and Character Chart
-- "God, I need to talk to you about..." books by Dan Carr
-- Character Builders DVDs
-- Memory Verses
-- Bible stories that relate to what we're studying
So, for this *series* (for lack of a better word) we're reading "God, I need to talk to you about... sharing and hurting others" which are both really relevant to an almost-3-year-old, as well as watching the Character Builders on Sharing and Kindness.
Our current memory verse is Luke 6:31 "Do to others as you would have them do to you."
We are reading about The Good Samaritan and Jesus healing the paralytic who was lowered through the roof.
It's really funny how the things that a preschooler struggles with are the same things I struggle with as an adult. That's the one thing these character studies have really convicted me of---
I am no better than a preschooler.
My problems are slightly more mature (sometimes) or complicated (sometimes), but really no different. We are trying to teach her to "Use gentle hands, nice words, and think about how others feel." That part I (sometimes--- are we catching a theme here?) have down. But the most important part is that we want her to show kindness to others even when she doesn't feel like it, when they are mean or unkind to her, and when they don't *deserve* it. Why? Because this is what Christ did, and continues to do, for us. He shows us love, forgiveness, grace, and yes, kindness when we least deserve it. When we've denied Him, or disappointed Him, or disobeyed Him, or ignored everything He's told us, he returns all those downright *mean* actions with love and kindness. With gentle words, kind correction, and thinking about what is best for us.
And how often does my first reaction to some one's actions--- no matter how I try to intellectualize it or reword it so it sounds grown-up and responsible--- really amount to "But they're being mean to me! I don't wanna be nice!!!" I'm only a (sometimes VERY small) step away from chucking a toy at their head and screaming "I don't like you!" while stomping into a corner to pout.
... or yelling angrily what an idiot someone is while flashing angry hand gestures and speeding as fast as I can to get in front of them and cut them off in turn...
I asked Bean to tell me ways she can practice kindness and wrote them down. I said "How can you be kind to..." and listed people. This is word-for-word what she said:
My Sister: "Not push her, share toys."
My Dad: "Not get in trouble, listen to him, give him hugs and kisses."
My Dog: "Pet him."
My Mom" "Use Nice Words to her."
Jesus: "Give him hugs, celebrate his birthday, not think about myself--- think about Jesus and THEN myself after."
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Little Smarty Pants
I had a real "Ah-ha!" moment last night.
I have to remember that my sweet little Bean is ONLY *almost* 3.
She is such a smarty pants. I mean, I know all parents say that, but really. The kid is a little genius. She so often behaves like a typical 4 or 5 year old that sometimes (many times) I forget that she ISN'T.
Most of the time, this isn't a problem. I don't have any intention of dumbing things down for her or talking to her like I'm "supposed" to talk to a 2-year-old.
But sometimes that 2-year-old comes out and I forget that, when that happens, I need to treat her like the toddler that she is.
So last night she had a LATE night. She was up until 11pm at our WONDERFUL babysitters house. When we got there to pick her up, she had a M-E-L-T-D-O-W-N. Not a fall to the floor, scream hit and cry meltdown (I think that would have been easier!). She just started making this horrible, high-pitched whine and WOULD NOT STOP.
And, I admit, I had a Mommy of the Year moment and honestly forgot that she's only 2. I got SO irritated at her for whining and not listening and being all around unreasonable. Because, I realized later, I was expecting reasonable behavior for a 4 year old, and not for her sweet little 2 year old self.
Her breakdown was totally normal and totally acceptable and TOTALLY my fault (I mean, really, what kid needs to stay up 3 hours past her bedtime?). Luckily, my wonderful husband had his head screwed on right and didn't overreact. He pulled me back in, and as we were driving home and I was stretched in an awkward car-yoga position to hold her little foot while simultaneously trying to sing (with hand motions) Itsy-Bitsy Spider, I had my "Ah-Ha" moment.
... one I expect will be the first of many...
I have to remember that my sweet little Bean is ONLY *almost* 3.
She is such a smarty pants. I mean, I know all parents say that, but really. The kid is a little genius. She so often behaves like a typical 4 or 5 year old that sometimes (many times) I forget that she ISN'T.
Most of the time, this isn't a problem. I don't have any intention of dumbing things down for her or talking to her like I'm "supposed" to talk to a 2-year-old.
But sometimes that 2-year-old comes out and I forget that, when that happens, I need to treat her like the toddler that she is.
So last night she had a LATE night. She was up until 11pm at our WONDERFUL babysitters house. When we got there to pick her up, she had a M-E-L-T-D-O-W-N. Not a fall to the floor, scream hit and cry meltdown (I think that would have been easier!). She just started making this horrible, high-pitched whine and WOULD NOT STOP.
And, I admit, I had a Mommy of the Year moment and honestly forgot that she's only 2. I got SO irritated at her for whining and not listening and being all around unreasonable. Because, I realized later, I was expecting reasonable behavior for a 4 year old, and not for her sweet little 2 year old self.
Her breakdown was totally normal and totally acceptable and TOTALLY my fault (I mean, really, what kid needs to stay up 3 hours past her bedtime?). Luckily, my wonderful husband had his head screwed on right and didn't overreact. He pulled me back in, and as we were driving home and I was stretched in an awkward car-yoga position to hold her little foot while simultaneously trying to sing (with hand motions) Itsy-Bitsy Spider, I had my "Ah-Ha" moment.
... one I expect will be the first of many...
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Our week(s) in photos
I posted last week about some of the general school stuff we've started.
Now I'm going to start a cute apocalypse by sharing some of the pics.
I've been trying not to lock them up all day, but it's really hard with 100+ degree weather. A few weeks ago we had our BFFs over for some outside playtime, so I decided it was a good day for making sidewalk paint. I can't remember where I found the recipe, but it's all over the Internet. I used 2 tbs cornstarch, 4 tbs water, and food coloring.
It was really watery, so I nuked it for about 10 sec at a time until it was a pretty thick, paint-like consistency. If it gets too thick, just add a few drops of water to thin it down.
The best part was that they could paint each other, their clothes, the ground, my car, my garage--- it just washes off. I didn't have any problem with staining (except for my fingers while I mixed the paint--- but that's my own clumsiness!). Also, my little bug that likes to taste-test everything could eat it to her heart's content. She didn't WANT to (of course, the only time), but she could without me worrying about it!
We did do actual "school" stuff, I swear. I just didn't take too many pictures. Mostly because my camera died and I was too lazy to charge it.
Our "unit" study these past two weeks was pirates--- which Bean LOVED. She's a pirate freak. We read some pirate books:
How I Became a Pirate and Pirates Don't Change Diapers by Melinda Long
Shiver Me Letters by June Sobel
Sheep on a Ship by Nancy E Shaw
Bean REALLY loved the Melinda Long books. We probably read those 15x in 2 weeks!
We did some Pirate activities: Made pirate hats and eye patches, talked like pirates, watched "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything," and played with our MegaBlocks Pirate Ship.
We also did a Treasure Memory match with the letters she knows and was learning-- S and P (our new letters), A, R, W, O, and J.
The cards are 1/2 sheets of construction paper that are laminated. The other side has the colors written out so Bug can use them for color sorting. But she's not there yet...
Probably Jo's FAVORITE thing to do--- shaving cream letter hunt. I don't know how I thought of this one... sheer brilliance... I hide some small magnetic letters in the shaving cream; she finds them, washes them off in the bowl of water, and then matches them to the foam letters on the table.
The paint is non-toxic, although once this batch of store-bought Crayola runs out I'm going to make some (off pintrest, again). Although, then she will WANT to eat it...
I'll let you know how that goes.
XOXO (because I think I'm Gossip Girl, have I told you?)
--Beka
PS: I forgot! Bible Time--- Both girls doing their Hallelujahs :)
Now I'm going to start a cute apocalypse by sharing some of the pics.
Reading with Daddy... one of their favorite things to do. He usually does afternoon school--- reading and whatever activity we have for the day. The first two weeks it was pirates (although they're reading Fancy Nancy, here)
I try to do some art time every day. Which never happens. So maybe 3-4 times a week? Little Bug is not content to toddle around while sis is busy with fun stuff like paint and markers, so I tried this "no mess fingerpaint" idea I saw on pintrest.
If she looks less than amused... it's because she was. It just wasn't a big hit with her.
Most likely because Bean was next to her getting good and messy. She kept signing "all done" and then pointing to Bean and saying "That. THAT!"
Bean, meanwhile, wanted to do bag fingerpainting. So next time maybe I'll switch them and see how that goes over...
I've been trying not to lock them up all day, but it's really hard with 100+ degree weather. A few weeks ago we had our BFFs over for some outside playtime, so I decided it was a good day for making sidewalk paint. I can't remember where I found the recipe, but it's all over the Internet. I used 2 tbs cornstarch, 4 tbs water, and food coloring.
This stuff was SUCH a hit!
The best part was that they could paint each other, their clothes, the ground, my car, my garage--- it just washes off. I didn't have any problem with staining (except for my fingers while I mixed the paint--- but that's my own clumsiness!). Also, my little bug that likes to taste-test everything could eat it to her heart's content. She didn't WANT to (of course, the only time), but she could without me worrying about it!
We did do actual "school" stuff, I swear. I just didn't take too many pictures. Mostly because my camera died and I was too lazy to charge it.
Our "unit" study these past two weeks was pirates--- which Bean LOVED. She's a pirate freak. We read some pirate books:
How I Became a Pirate and Pirates Don't Change Diapers by Melinda Long
Shiver Me Letters by June Sobel
Sheep on a Ship by Nancy E Shaw
Bean REALLY loved the Melinda Long books. We probably read those 15x in 2 weeks!
We did some Pirate activities: Made pirate hats and eye patches, talked like pirates, watched "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything," and played with our MegaBlocks Pirate Ship.
We also did a Treasure Memory match with the letters she knows and was learning-- S and P (our new letters), A, R, W, O, and J.
Bean really liked this game... we still play it, although we've started eating the booty. I got the gold coins in the bulk section of WinCo and wrote letters on one side with Sharpie.
I also made a Pirate Treasure Map/Letter Hunt. But, alas (matey), no pictures. I drew pictures of areas in our house (front door, basketball hoop, fireplace, under the table, slide, and "X" and put letters next to each picture, and then taped 1/2 sheets of paper with those letters in those corresponding areas. Under the "X" was some "gold"--- peach sourpatch candy. It was a big hit!!
These are two of our "general" activities--- this one is one-to-one counting. This day she was using poker chips and chip clips. Sometimes she uses candy, or little knick-knacks (erases, dinosaurs, etc).
The cards are 1/2 sheets of construction paper that are laminated. The other side has the colors written out so Bug can use them for color sorting. But she's not there yet...
Probably Jo's FAVORITE thing to do--- shaving cream letter hunt. I don't know how I thought of this one... sheer brilliance... I hide some small magnetic letters in the shaving cream; she finds them, washes them off in the bowl of water, and then matches them to the foam letters on the table.
She will do this for HOURS if I let her... I usually just let her go until the shaving cream runs out or she starts using it to decorate herself or her sister.
"Hey, I found an H for HOLLY!" she says...
Meanwhile, in Bug land... I learned my lesson from the ziplock painting and didn't even ATTEMPT to entertain her with something less-than-messy. I gave in and let her fingerpaint. I've done it a few times with paper, but this time I just let her paint the highchair tray. I added some water so it was a little more squishy and entertaining...
She actually didn't PURPOSELY paint her face... she just got sleepy. And then signed "Sleep." And had hands covered in blue paint.
The paint is non-toxic, although once this batch of store-bought Crayola runs out I'm going to make some (off pintrest, again). Although, then she will WANT to eat it...
I'll let you know how that goes.
XOXO (because I think I'm Gossip Girl, have I told you?)
--Beka
PS: I forgot! Bible Time--- Both girls doing their Hallelujahs :)
Monday, August 20, 2012
Our first 2 weeks of homeschool: Check!
We just completed our first *official* two weeks of homeschool.
By official, I mean I actually set out to do somethings, and I did... some of those somethings.
I admit that I was being very (overly) ambitious--- more with myself than with Bean, as she will pretty much learn/memorize/complete anything I put in front of her.
But that's ok! It's preschool, it's homeschool, and it's MY school, so I don't have to live up to someones checklist of what needs to be done--- which, by the way, I LOVE.
Overall, I'm quite proud of myself. We managed to do some amount of school for at least 4 days each week, and a decent-to-extraordinary amount for 2-3 of those days each week. I'm going to go into detail about what, exactly, we did in the next post. But now I'm lazy; I don't want to plug in my camera and download the pictures of what we did, so that's not happening.
Here is what I learned these past two weeks:
First: I was really intending on doing an equal smattering of Character (morning), letters/numbers (pre-lunch), unit studies (after nap), and fine motor/art (pre-dinner with Dad). Needless to say, our days didn't (ever) look like that.
Oh well, that's what experiments are for!
My priority with Bean was, is, and is going to be making sure that we work on Character and Bible. I figured out that the best way to do that, for us, is to talk about it at the breakfast table while we eat every morning. Then, if I have a book, DVD, or craft/activity for us to do, we can do it after. But she learns really well from just discussing it on a daily basis. This works well because our breakfast table is also our school table, and all the Character materials are on display in the corner where she can see them while she eats.
Letters/Numbers got scrunched into unit studies and/or art (although I did have a few days where we did some letter activities before nap still). Nik has pretty much taken over this area (yay!). I do the planning, but he actually does the "lessons" with the kids. It gives me a good break for the day!
Planning day-by-day curriculum just DOESN'T work for me at this stage. Maybe because I'm pregnant and lazy. Or because I hate being stuck inside all day and all my day trips ruin my plans. Regardless, I can't stick to doing things on that exact of a schedule.
What DOES work for me (us) is to have a list of projects, activities, movies, etc that go along with what I want to do (either with the unit we're doing, or just general number/letter activities and art things) and then look at it during naptime and decide what will be best for the day. I really love this because then I can actually judge "Ok, she's in a drawing mood today, she'll like doing workpages and tracing, etc." or "No way this kid is gonna sit still for a lesson, maybe we better do hopscotch" or "they're in a really messy mood, let's bust out some shaving cream or fingerpaints."
I guess I'm turning into a hippie or something.
Oh, on a practical note, I also learned that I need to *remember* to order my books from the library at least a week in advance. I'm still working out the timing on this one. I forgot this time, didn't order this weeks books until Friday, and I'm not really sure that they will be here by tomorrow (Tuesday). Whoopsie.
Anyway, not a terribly thrilling topic, I know. But it's good for me to have these things in writing so that when I try to go crazy next year (or next week), I know better...
Just a *small* preview what we did get accomplished (specifically) these last two weeks:
--Bean learned 2 new letters (recognizing and some sounds)
-- We both learned 2 new verses
-- A new Character Quality
-- 2 new bible stories
-- Lots of swashbuckling fun.
Till next time (when I get my pics uploaded!)
--B
By official, I mean I actually set out to do somethings, and I did... some of those somethings.
I admit that I was being very (overly) ambitious--- more with myself than with Bean, as she will pretty much learn/memorize/complete anything I put in front of her.
But that's ok! It's preschool, it's homeschool, and it's MY school, so I don't have to live up to someones checklist of what needs to be done--- which, by the way, I LOVE.
Overall, I'm quite proud of myself. We managed to do some amount of school for at least 4 days each week, and a decent-to-extraordinary amount for 2-3 of those days each week. I'm going to go into detail about what, exactly, we did in the next post. But now I'm lazy; I don't want to plug in my camera and download the pictures of what we did, so that's not happening.
Here is what I learned these past two weeks:
First: I was really intending on doing an equal smattering of Character (morning), letters/numbers (pre-lunch), unit studies (after nap), and fine motor/art (pre-dinner with Dad). Needless to say, our days didn't (ever) look like that.
Oh well, that's what experiments are for!
My priority with Bean was, is, and is going to be making sure that we work on Character and Bible. I figured out that the best way to do that, for us, is to talk about it at the breakfast table while we eat every morning. Then, if I have a book, DVD, or craft/activity for us to do, we can do it after. But she learns really well from just discussing it on a daily basis. This works well because our breakfast table is also our school table, and all the Character materials are on display in the corner where she can see them while she eats.
Letters/Numbers got scrunched into unit studies and/or art (although I did have a few days where we did some letter activities before nap still). Nik has pretty much taken over this area (yay!). I do the planning, but he actually does the "lessons" with the kids. It gives me a good break for the day!
Planning day-by-day curriculum just DOESN'T work for me at this stage. Maybe because I'm pregnant and lazy. Or because I hate being stuck inside all day and all my day trips ruin my plans. Regardless, I can't stick to doing things on that exact of a schedule.
What DOES work for me (us) is to have a list of projects, activities, movies, etc that go along with what I want to do (either with the unit we're doing, or just general number/letter activities and art things) and then look at it during naptime and decide what will be best for the day. I really love this because then I can actually judge "Ok, she's in a drawing mood today, she'll like doing workpages and tracing, etc." or "No way this kid is gonna sit still for a lesson, maybe we better do hopscotch" or "they're in a really messy mood, let's bust out some shaving cream or fingerpaints."
I guess I'm turning into a hippie or something.
Oh, on a practical note, I also learned that I need to *remember* to order my books from the library at least a week in advance. I'm still working out the timing on this one. I forgot this time, didn't order this weeks books until Friday, and I'm not really sure that they will be here by tomorrow (Tuesday). Whoopsie.
Anyway, not a terribly thrilling topic, I know. But it's good for me to have these things in writing so that when I try to go crazy next year (or next week), I know better...
Just a *small* preview what we did get accomplished (specifically) these last two weeks:
--Bean learned 2 new letters (recognizing and some sounds)
-- We both learned 2 new verses
-- A new Character Quality
-- 2 new bible stories
-- Lots of swashbuckling fun.
Till next time (when I get my pics uploaded!)
--B
Friday, August 10, 2012
I chose this life...
Sometimes, I find myself throwing a pity party and thinking "I chose this life?!?"
Because, let's be honest, some days just suck. I know that's not the good, pretty front that the united stay-at-home-mommy union likes us to present, but it's just the truth.
Some days, all the pretty little danglies floating in the water are really enticing.
Some days, the allure of all the things the devil wants to offer me really do look like things I can't (or really just don't want to) pass up.
Like nice vacations. Or any vacations.
Or getting to drop the grouchy, teething baby off at daycare and go talk to grown-ups.
Or eating at the Melting Pot more than 1x a year.
Or getting dressed for someone other than my 2 year old to look at.
Or even slugging off to a job--- because at times, even the temptation of a minimum-wage paycheck is strong; not because of how the money would "help" (see above), but because even the most under appreciated, poorly treated employee still gets the recognition of getting paid at regular intervals.
Yes, I am betraying my calling, but the truth is the truth--- those sparkly things are very attractive sometimes.
But so are the lures to little fishies swimming along in the sea when they're hungry, or tired of eating... whatever fish naturally eat... and they see a shiny, bouncy, glittery worm-bug-a-jig just floating there, waiting to be consumed, easy as that.
And this is when I thank the Lord for His Spirit that guides me and makes me more than a fish. That He comes along and reminds me--- if it's too good to be true, it probably is. Bugs don't glitter and shine and float like that. A bite is tempting, but a bite will get you hooked, dragged up out of the water, suffocated, scaled, and eaten by some fat man in camo that's too stupid to realize how useless camo is when you're above the water in a boat. Then you're an appetizer at Red Lobster while the thing God was calling you to, your real nourishment, lies in the water for someone else to eat.
OK, that was a little bit of a digression, but my point is this:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." --Romans 8:28
Those little lures are pretty, and they might even taste good, but they are illusions. They are not the goal. And the past few days, while I've had a fevery, teething baby and a sassy toddler trying my very last nerve, God has spoken into my heart, not a question, not an accusation or a condemnation, but an affirmation, a confirmation, and an exultation:
You chose this life.
If my vacation is that my husband understands from just a look or a sigh to take the girls, make dinner, and feed them while I sit on a chair and finish a chapter of my book, I am more blessed to have a husband with that understanding and that servant's heart than I would be to be on a cruise ship or in the Bahamas.
If my conversation is with my 2 year old while she is sharing some amazing insight about God, or my baby as she is learning to say her first words, I am more blessed to be a part of that dialogue than any about what happened on the Olympics (which, by the way, I don't know) or the latest office gossip.
If all I eat is chicken and spaghetti every night, I am blessed to be spending every night with my family in a way many families do not.
If the only person who tells me I'm beautiful every day is my daughter, I am blessed because she means it, and because I have the time to sit with her and talk about what beautiful is, and how beautiful she is. I am blessed because she knows the most important place Mommy has to be is having that conversation with her at that moment.
And if the only payment I get is that my grouchy, sweaty baby wants nothing more in the whole world than to use Mommy as a pillow; to lay on top of me all day and attach herself to my arm like some sort of crazy tree-dwelling monkey, I am blessed. I am blessed that I can reach over and turn the alarm off and snuggle with her for 5 more minutes and enjoy the little time I have left that she will be small enough and willing enough to crawl on top of me for comfort.
I chose this life... and I CHOOSE this life. Sometimes the temptations are pretty (and pretty enticing), but the benefits of swimming through and past and getting to the real stuff, the God-given stuff, at the other side are the real reward.
--B
Because, let's be honest, some days just suck. I know that's not the good, pretty front that the united stay-at-home-mommy union likes us to present, but it's just the truth.
Some days, all the pretty little danglies floating in the water are really enticing.
Some days, the allure of all the things the devil wants to offer me really do look like things I can't (or really just don't want to) pass up.
Like nice vacations. Or any vacations.
Or getting to drop the grouchy, teething baby off at daycare and go talk to grown-ups.
Or eating at the Melting Pot more than 1x a year.
Or getting dressed for someone other than my 2 year old to look at.
Or even slugging off to a job--- because at times, even the temptation of a minimum-wage paycheck is strong; not because of how the money would "help" (see above), but because even the most under appreciated, poorly treated employee still gets the recognition of getting paid at regular intervals.
Yes, I am betraying my calling, but the truth is the truth--- those sparkly things are very attractive sometimes.
But so are the lures to little fishies swimming along in the sea when they're hungry, or tired of eating... whatever fish naturally eat... and they see a shiny, bouncy, glittery worm-bug-a-jig just floating there, waiting to be consumed, easy as that.
And this is when I thank the Lord for His Spirit that guides me and makes me more than a fish. That He comes along and reminds me--- if it's too good to be true, it probably is. Bugs don't glitter and shine and float like that. A bite is tempting, but a bite will get you hooked, dragged up out of the water, suffocated, scaled, and eaten by some fat man in camo that's too stupid to realize how useless camo is when you're above the water in a boat. Then you're an appetizer at Red Lobster while the thing God was calling you to, your real nourishment, lies in the water for someone else to eat.
OK, that was a little bit of a digression, but my point is this:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." --Romans 8:28
Those little lures are pretty, and they might even taste good, but they are illusions. They are not the goal. And the past few days, while I've had a fevery, teething baby and a sassy toddler trying my very last nerve, God has spoken into my heart, not a question, not an accusation or a condemnation, but an affirmation, a confirmation, and an exultation:
You chose this life.
If my vacation is that my husband understands from just a look or a sigh to take the girls, make dinner, and feed them while I sit on a chair and finish a chapter of my book, I am more blessed to have a husband with that understanding and that servant's heart than I would be to be on a cruise ship or in the Bahamas.
If my conversation is with my 2 year old while she is sharing some amazing insight about God, or my baby as she is learning to say her first words, I am more blessed to be a part of that dialogue than any about what happened on the Olympics (which, by the way, I don't know) or the latest office gossip.
If all I eat is chicken and spaghetti every night, I am blessed to be spending every night with my family in a way many families do not.
If the only person who tells me I'm beautiful every day is my daughter, I am blessed because she means it, and because I have the time to sit with her and talk about what beautiful is, and how beautiful she is. I am blessed because she knows the most important place Mommy has to be is having that conversation with her at that moment.
And if the only payment I get is that my grouchy, sweaty baby wants nothing more in the whole world than to use Mommy as a pillow; to lay on top of me all day and attach herself to my arm like some sort of crazy tree-dwelling monkey, I am blessed. I am blessed that I can reach over and turn the alarm off and snuggle with her for 5 more minutes and enjoy the little time I have left that she will be small enough and willing enough to crawl on top of me for comfort.
I chose this life... and I CHOOSE this life. Sometimes the temptations are pretty (and pretty enticing), but the benefits of swimming through and past and getting to the real stuff, the God-given stuff, at the other side are the real reward.
--B
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
But where are my furry animal friends?
Some days (most days), I feel like Snow White.
Only, I don't have cute little wooden creatures singing me sweet songs.
I always thought Snow White was good ole Walt preparing me for the day when my prince would come, sweep me off my feet, and take me away to my castle.
Now, I see it for what it really was---
Walt preparing me for being a Mommy that is constantly surrounded by little people...
"...Dwarfs," if you will...
...who function in a miniature little environment (a cottage?), complete with miniature beds, miniature chairs, miniature plates, knives, forks, spoons, cups, and toilets. Miniature food. Miniature books. Things you never even IMAGINED came in miniature form.
And anything that ISN'T miniature is surrounded by tools to aid the Dwarfs, in their mini-ness, with day-to-day life. (Please don't mind the step-stool in front of the sink, or the ladder in front of the fridge, or the hundred other safety hazards in my home; my dwarfs are becoming self-aware and want to do everything by themselves today.)
Fear not! Snow Mommy has become very accustomed to this way of life. In fact, I often think strangers from outside the enchanted forest must look at me funny as I automatically take large, knee-bending, leg-lifting steps everywhere I go to avoid any unseen... (insert any miniature item here). Or when I don't think twice about using a dixie-cup for my lunch beverage, or a small, plastic coated spoon to eat my oatmeal.
The little dwarfs go to "work" every day, make themselves filthy, don't want to wash before dinner, wear Snow Mommy out with their crazy dwarf antics, and then fall peacefully asleep for the night to start again tomorrow.
And the only peaceful place in many a Snow Mommy cottage is to curl up in the tiny little dwarf-sized bed that has been so associated with nap-time that the actual dwarfs won't touch it with a 10 foot pole. Or their miniature 3 ft. pole that they carry around to beat other dwarfs over the head with.
But here is where Sir Disney got it wrong. Because when Prince Charming sweeps in to rescue Snow White (and yes, please sweep away), what we really need for him is to see that we are in a deep, almost deadly sleep, and BACK THE HECK AWAY. Because, if my Prince Charming, bless his sweet heart, comes home to the dwarfs playing peacefully and the house being clean and me resting and his first thought is "I better wake her up," this fairy tale is going to turn into a homicide movie very quickly.
~The End~
Only, I don't have cute little wooden creatures singing me sweet songs.
I always thought Snow White was good ole Walt preparing me for the day when my prince would come, sweep me off my feet, and take me away to my castle.
Now, I see it for what it really was---
Walt preparing me for being a Mommy that is constantly surrounded by little people...
"...Dwarfs," if you will...
...who function in a miniature little environment (a cottage?), complete with miniature beds, miniature chairs, miniature plates, knives, forks, spoons, cups, and toilets. Miniature food. Miniature books. Things you never even IMAGINED came in miniature form.
And anything that ISN'T miniature is surrounded by tools to aid the Dwarfs, in their mini-ness, with day-to-day life. (Please don't mind the step-stool in front of the sink, or the ladder in front of the fridge, or the hundred other safety hazards in my home; my dwarfs are becoming self-aware and want to do everything by themselves today.)
Fear not! Snow Mommy has become very accustomed to this way of life. In fact, I often think strangers from outside the enchanted forest must look at me funny as I automatically take large, knee-bending, leg-lifting steps everywhere I go to avoid any unseen... (insert any miniature item here). Or when I don't think twice about using a dixie-cup for my lunch beverage, or a small, plastic coated spoon to eat my oatmeal.
The little dwarfs go to "work" every day, make themselves filthy, don't want to wash before dinner, wear Snow Mommy out with their crazy dwarf antics, and then fall peacefully asleep for the night to start again tomorrow.
And the only peaceful place in many a Snow Mommy cottage is to curl up in the tiny little dwarf-sized bed that has been so associated with nap-time that the actual dwarfs won't touch it with a 10 foot pole. Or their miniature 3 ft. pole that they carry around to beat other dwarfs over the head with.
But here is where Sir Disney got it wrong. Because when Prince Charming sweeps in to rescue Snow White (and yes, please sweep away), what we really need for him is to see that we are in a deep, almost deadly sleep, and BACK THE HECK AWAY. Because, if my Prince Charming, bless his sweet heart, comes home to the dwarfs playing peacefully and the house being clean and me resting and his first thought is "I better wake her up," this fairy tale is going to turn into a homicide movie very quickly.
~The End~
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