I chose this life...

Sometimes, I find myself throwing a pity party and thinking "I chose this life?!?"

Because, let's be honest, some days just suck. I know that's not the good, pretty front that the united stay-at-home-mommy union likes us to present, but it's just the truth.

Some days, all the pretty little danglies floating in the water are really enticing.

Some days, the allure of all the things the devil wants to offer me really do look like things I can't (or really just don't want to) pass up.

Like nice vacations. Or any vacations.

Or getting to drop the grouchy, teething baby off at daycare and go talk to grown-ups.

Or eating at the Melting Pot more than 1x a year.

Or getting dressed for someone other than my 2 year old to look at.

Or even slugging off to a job--- because at times, even the temptation of a minimum-wage paycheck is strong; not because of how the money would "help" (see above), but because even the most under appreciated, poorly treated employee still gets the recognition of getting paid at regular intervals.

Yes, I am betraying my calling, but the truth is the truth--- those sparkly things are very attractive sometimes.

But so are the lures to little fishies swimming along in the sea when they're hungry,  or tired of eating... whatever fish naturally eat... and they see a shiny, bouncy, glittery worm-bug-a-jig just floating there, waiting to be consumed, easy as that.

And this is when I thank the Lord for His Spirit that guides me and makes me more than a fish. That He comes along and reminds me--- if it's too good to be true, it probably is. Bugs don't glitter and shine and float like that. A bite is tempting, but a bite will get you hooked, dragged up out of the water, suffocated, scaled, and eaten by some fat man in camo that's too stupid to realize how useless camo is when you're above the water in a boat. Then you're an appetizer at Red Lobster while the thing God was calling you to, your real nourishment, lies in the water for someone else to eat.

OK, that was a little bit of a digression, but my point is this:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." --Romans 8:28

Those little lures are pretty, and they might even taste good, but they are illusions. They are not the goal. And the past few days, while I've had a fevery, teething baby and a sassy toddler trying my very last nerve, God has spoken into my heart, not a question, not an accusation or a condemnation, but an affirmation, a confirmation, and an exultation:

You chose this life.

If my vacation is that my husband understands from just a look or a sigh to take the girls, make dinner, and feed them while I sit on a chair and finish a chapter of my book, I am more blessed to have a husband with that understanding and that servant's heart than I would be to be on a cruise ship or in the Bahamas.

If my conversation is with my 2 year old while she is sharing some amazing insight about God, or my baby as she is learning to say her first words, I am more blessed to be a part of that dialogue than any about what happened on the Olympics (which, by the way, I don't know) or the latest office gossip.

If all I eat is chicken and spaghetti every night, I am blessed to be spending every night with my family in a way many families do not.

If the only person who tells me I'm beautiful every day is my daughter, I am blessed because she means it, and because I have the time to sit with her and talk about what beautiful is, and how beautiful she is. I am blessed because she knows the most important place Mommy has to be is having that conversation with her at that moment.

And if the only payment I get is that my grouchy, sweaty baby wants nothing more in the whole world than to use Mommy as a pillow; to lay on top of me all day and attach herself to my arm like some sort of crazy tree-dwelling monkey, I am blessed. I am blessed that I can reach over and turn the alarm off and snuggle with her for 5 more minutes and enjoy the little time I have left that she will be small enough and willing enough to crawl on top of me for comfort.

I chose this life... and I CHOOSE this life.  Sometimes the temptations are pretty (and pretty enticing), but the benefits of swimming through and past and getting to the real stuff, the God-given stuff, at the other side are the real reward.

--B